Nonverbal communication and culture. Identity, stereotypes and prejudices, страница 45

This particular combination of complementary styles often results in damaged relationships and frozen agendas—the avoiding “rational”/confronting “dance.” Other combinations may be difficult but less overtly damaging. Two people with assertive emotional styles may understand each other and know how to work through the conflict. Likewise, it can also work if two people both avoid open conflict, particularly in long-term committed relationships. However, jointly avoiding conflict does not necessarily mean that it goes away. But it may give people time to think about how to deal with the conflict and talk about it.

Identify Your Preferred Style. Although we may change our way of dealing with conflict, based on the situation and the type of conflict, most of us tend to use the same style in most situations. For example, your preferred style is avoiding. If you are pushed into conflict or feel strongly that you need to resolve a particular issue, you can speak up for yourself. However, you may prefer more indirect means of dealing with current and potential conflicts. Then you will choose to work things out on a more personal, indirect level.

It is also important to recognize which conflict styles "push your conflict button." Some styles are more or less compatible; it's important to know which styles are congruent with your own. If you prefer a more confronting style and you have a disagreement with someone with an avoiding style, it may drive you crazy.

Be Creative and Expand Your Conflict Style Repertoire. If a particular way of dealing with conflict is not working, be willing to try a different style. This is easier said than done. As conflict specialists Joyce Hocker and William Wilmot (1998) explain, people often seem to get "frozen" into a conflict style. For example, some people consistently deny any problems in a relationship; conversely, some people consistently escalate small conflicts into large ones.

There are many reasons for getting stuck in a conflict management style, according to Hocker and Wilmot. The style may have developed during a period of time when the person felt good about him- or herself — when the particular conflict management style worked well. Consider, for example, the high school athlete who develops an aggressive style on and off the playing field — a style that people seem to respect. A limited repertoire may be related to gender differences. Some women get stuck in an avoiding style, whereas some men get stuck in a confronting style. A limited repertoire also may come from cultural background — a culture that encourages confronting conflict or a culture that rewards avoiding conflict. A combination of these reasons is the likely cause of getting stuck in the use of one conflict management style. For example, even though you may prefer an avoiding style, you may occasionally find the effectiveness of being more assertive and direct in intercultural conflicts in which the dominant communication style was more confrontational.

In most aspects of intercultural communication, adaptability and flexibility serve us well. Conflict communication is no exception. This means that there is no so-called objective way to deal with conflict. Occasionally, you may find that a style contrasting yours feels just as right to someone else. Recognizing this condition may promote conflict resolution. It is helpful to be prepared, as in other aspects of relationships, to listen sometimes and not say anything. One strategy that mediators use is to allow one person to talk for an extended period of time while the other person listens.

Recognize the Importance of Conflict Context.As we noted earlier in this lecture, it is important to understand the larger social, economic, political, and historical contexts that give meaning to many types of conflict.